


Can't Choose Our Brother

by belovedhell



Series: Brotherly Love is Very Complicated [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Apple Pie Life, Denial of Feelings, Flashbacks, Hunter Dean, Jealousy, Lawyer Sam, M/M, Memory Alteration, Secrets, Sibling Incest, Temporary Character Death, Unrequited Love, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 19:12:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6869968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belovedhell/pseuds/belovedhell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the help of Crowley, Sam was brought back to life but with a cost. His memories were altered, thereby forcing Dean to stay away from him so he could have the apple pie life Sam always wanted. Too bad Dean couldn't stay away from his brother. Also, Sam couldn't help but feel comfortable being near Dean and slowly falls for him without realizing who he really was.</p><p>[Previously called Sad Apple Pie Life]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Choose Our Brother

**Author's Note:**

> Another story! I'm on fire. Comments are lovely and appreciated. Kudos as well.

Dean was sobbing as he cradled Sam's body, he should have protected him, should have never left his sight. He didn't see the fucking bastard sneaking up behind Sam. It was too late to take him to the hospital, Sam was bleeding too much. Dean shut his eyes tightly, as if he could wake up from this dreadful nightmare... only he didn't. Sam was dead in his arms, getting colder by the minute as his lips began to turn blue.

"D-Don't worry, Sammy. I'll bring you back." Dean stuttered, tears dripping down his cheeks. He softly caressed his shaggy bangs with so much affection. Dean knew only one person that could help him. As much as it pained him to admit it, he needed _his_ _help_.

_Crowley._

"You rang?" Crowley appeared behind Dean and then simply glanced at Sam. "Moose isn't looking too good," he smirked, then added, "You want to bring him back?" There was no point in asking because the answer was quite obvious. He had seen Dean go through hell- literally- and sold his soul to bring back his brother before. This was the first time Crowley had seen such devotion and loyalty from human beings. It slightly sickened him and also foolish if you ask him, yet Crowley couldn't help but be impressed.

Dean could have snapped at him and growled altogether, but he didn't, otherwise Crowley would be a dick and leave. Not that he wasn't one already. "What do I have to do?" was all Dean asked. They were wasting time here; Sam had been dead for about ten minutes now.

Crowley paused. "Tell you what? You Winchesters have helped me out in the past so I'll return the favor," before Dean could reply Crowley added, "with a price." Of course, there was a fucking price. What else was new? Dean mentally pictured himself torturing _things_ , Crowley wouldn't go easy on him. Regardless, Dean wasn't changing his mind; he would risk it.

"I don't care! Just do what you have to do." No hesitation was present as Dean stood up and turned around to finally face Crowley. "I'm bringing Sam back no matter what." It wasn't a fact, but a promise. Dean recalled Sammy doing the same when he had died in the past. He would be damned if he didn't do the same for his brother. Sam was his only family left and the one person Dean genuinely cared for.

"Even without his memories?" Crowley grinned, almost too mischievously.

Dean froze, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What?" Without his memories? He knew where this conversation was going to lead, but Dean wanted to be sure. _Please tell me Crowley is fucking with me_ , Dean thought.

"I can bring Moose back to life, but without his memories. He would have no idea who you are or what he does for a living. Basically, be a blank person like those grimy zombies. Unless..."

"Unless what?" Could this get any worse?

"I could give him fake memories." Dean's lips formed a straight line, finally understanding what Crowley meant. Sam would be a completely different person. Someone who was not a hunter, someone that didn't have to suffer a cruel fate. Just being a normal person. In the back of his mind Dean would have automatically said no, but then his brother wouldn't be back alive. Also the fact that Sam always wanted to be free and have an apple pie life. Who was Dean to take that away from Sam?

For once, Dean wasn't going to be selfish, so he took one last look at his deceased brother. "Do it. Just bring him back," Dean pleaded as he gazed at the demon.

Crowley nodded. "Gladly." He kneeled down and touched Sam's forehead. "I'm going to enjoy watching you suffer." Dean ignored the remark because it was true, he was going to suffer tremendously.

Not being able to be by his brother's side was going to kill Dean. At least Sam would be safe from all supernatural... and more importantly, stop being a hunter.

"Goodbye Sammy," Dean whispered softly.

* * *

"Sir? Can you hear me?" A doctor flashed a bright light across Sam's eyes, making his pupils dilated by the sudden brightness. "Sir? I need to know if you're okay?"

Sam stirred, his voice cracked as he said, "What- Where am I?" He looked around his surroundings confused.

Sam squinted as he saw the room's white plain walls, and then eyed the surgical items on the table. He was lying on a smooth platform and felt many wires across his chest and IVs on his arms. There was no recollection of how he got there, the last thing he remembered was that he passed out due to stress from his job.

"You're in the hospital. Can you tell me who you are?" The doctor asked as he shut the flashlight off and placed it in his pocket shirt.

"I'm Sam Wesson, born in Lawrence, Kansas- Uh, age twenty seven. What happened to me?" Sam tried to sit up but winced in pain in the process. And, why did he have a major headache?

"Someone brought you here earlier, begging a nurse to help you- and after we did, he left."

Sam blinked, someone brought him to the hospital. He didn't have anyone in his life that would do such a thing for Sam, right?

"You suffered from a slight concussion, but other than that you're perfectly okay. You'll be fine, although we're going to keep you overnight just to make sure you don't have a reaction with the medicine." The doctor kept talking and explaining how they gave him something to reduce the pain.

Sam nodded, not really paying attention. All he wanted to do was thank whoever brought him here, but Sam didn't know who this mysterious person was. However, he was forever grateful.

* * *

_A year later..._

Sam walked around his kitchen, he had a day off from work so he decided to wake up late. The scent of roasted beans lingered through his nose as he poured himself a cup of black coffee. Nothing like drinking fine coffee in the morning.

"What to do today?" Sam asked himself.

He was glad he didn't have to be in the office, finally getting a break from all the phone calls. Most of the time it was just stressful and not to mention horrible because some clients were very rude. Sam often wondered if it was worth it, mentally fuming with snobby clients.

Sam's life was boring- as much as Sam hated to admit it- it was. He felt like a big piece of his life was missing, like he was meant for something else. Pinching the bridge of his nose as Sam recalled his childhood, which was tragic. His parents died when he was young and he was an only child, leaving Sam to raise himself. Everything else was a blur to him.

A knock startled Sam, he blinked in confusion as he stared at his door. It was way too early for visitors, even though he only had a few friends- well- actually acquaintances. Opening the door, Sam was met with a pair of sharp green eyes. "Yes? How can I help you?" Those eyes strangely looked familiar to Sam.

The stranger gazed at Sam oddly, almost disappointed before it changed to a grin. "Ugh, my car broke down so... I was wondering if I could use your phone?" Sam eyed the stranger, noticing he wasn't from around the area due to his clothing style: denim jeans, flannel shirt with a leather jacket over it. Yup, definitely from another city.

Peeking behind him, Sam saw a black car parked in front of his house. The hood was up, but he couldn't see from beyond that as black smoke steamed out of the engine. The stranger wasn't lying so Sam couldn't say no.

"Yeah. Come on it," Sam offered as he stepped aside.

"Thanks, Samm-," the stranger shut his mouth when he almost said Sam's nickname. Sam raised his eyebrow as he shut the door, then asked, "How do you know my name?"

"Um- Your name is on the mail box," the stranger smoothly lied.

"Oh yeah," Sam chuckled nervously, for a moment he was paranoid into thinking that the stranger was going to attack him. "Let me get you the phone... umm?" He already knew his name so it was only fair the stranger told Sam his name as well.

"What? Oh! Name's Dean, pleasure to meet you, Sam." Dean mentally berated himself, he had to get the idea that Sam didn't know who he was. They shook hands, awkwardly, yet Sam felt like they had done this a million of times before. Weird?

"So, what brings you into this city of Kansas?" Sam asked as he went to get the house phone. It felt nice to have a conversation, also Sam's curiosity was making him want to know more about Dean.

Dean was silent and his expression was crestfallen, his eyes closed for a second before he responded, "I came to see my brother, but turns out he died a while back." His voice slightly broke as his breath hitched.

"I'm so sorry," Sam frowned. God, he sucked at talking to people. Why did he have to ask? Now he felt awful and an asshole.

"It's okay." Dean shrugged and said, "He's probably happy wherever he is now rather than be with me." Dean sighed; he knew it was a mistake to come and see Sam. Yet, a part of him wanted Sam to remember him. He hadn't seen his brother in a whole year, it hurt Dean tremendously.

"I'm sure your brother misses you," Sam offered him a smile.

"I hope so because our last time together wasn't exactly memorable." It wasn't a lie, Dean was saying the truth and it hurt him more than anything. His brother was standing right in front of him, yet Sam still didn't know who Dean was.

What did he expect anyway? Crowley erased all his memories from his past and gave him new ones, hell, he even helped Sam get a job and a place by manipulating people's minds. Who would have thought? Crowley had a heart after all.

Guess deep down Dean wanted to see Sam, and hoped that maybe a memory of them together would pop up. But it didn't. Dean tried to stay away from Sam for a whole year, but it was proven difficult because he missed him. He didn't care if he was being selfish, he just wanted to see if Sam was doing okay on his own. Was that so bad?

"Here's the phone." Dean gratefully took it, even though he didn't need to call anyone. He faked everything: the car, no phone, accidentally parking in front of Sam's house. Dean just needed an excuse to see his brother without suspiciousness. Just because Sam's hunting skills were gone didn't mean that his instincts weren't correct.

"Thanks." Dean decided to dial Bobby, or else Sam would suspect something fishy. He heard the other line ring until someone picked up, "Hello?" A grumpy voice said.

"Bobby? It's me," Dean clarified, giving Sam a soft smile before he focused on the phone. Sam was watching him from the kitchen, carefully, just in case. Sam still had no clue who Dean was.

"Dean? Why are you calling me from another number? Is something wrong?" Dean could hear the frown as Bobby became concern. "Where are you?"

"I'm fine, Bobby. I came to Kansas to see my brother-" Dean shut his mouth, then sighed by the scolding he was receiving.

Sam could hear yelling and shouting from the mysterious caller- Bobby- in the other line, but he couldn't make out what he was saying. All he saw was Dean shutting his eyes as he stared at the floor in shame.

"I know!" Dean snapped abruptly, causing Sam to flinch. What were they talking about? Whatever it was it pissed off Dean. "I just wanted to see him. Do you have any idea how hard this fucking year has been without him, Bobby? Exhausting and painful."

"How is he, Dean?" Bobby asked, his anger deflated as he heard Dean's sorrow. Bobby also desperately wanted to know how his other boy was doing. Just like Dean, it hurt Bobby to not talk to Sam, but it was for the best.

Sighing, he croaked out, "He's gone! There's nothing of him, but other than that it's peachy." There was a hint of sarcasm and bitterness, Dean then glared at Sam. He was angry that Sam didn't remember him and then he was angry at himself for being selfish.

Sam tensed when Dean maliciously stared at him, but then it faded to sadness as he went back to looking at the floor. It was as if something else was hurting him other than the conversation he was having with this 'Bobby' person.

"You're right. It was a mistake coming here. I'll go now." Bobby agreed with Dean and then hanged up, but Dean didn't put the phone down just yet. "Oh, I forgot! My Impala isn't working, I think something is wrong with the engine. Can you pick me up? Or, come and help me out- What? Few days?"

Sam raised his eyebrow in amusement, Dean looked a little overjoy. "Thanks, I'll be waiting." Then he pretended to hang up. Dean knew he shouldn't be here with Sam, instead he should be leaving the city and leave his brother alone with his new life. Yet, he couldn't. All he wanted was one day to spend time with his brother - even if his memories were altered. Sam was still Sam no matter what.

"Better fine a motel, I'm stuck in this city for a few days..." Dean knew his brother from up to down; Sam wouldn't let him walk away when he had nowhere to turn to. Sam had a soft spot. Just as he was beginning to walk away, Sam called him, "Wait! You, uh, can stay here until your friend gets you." Yahtzee.

"I don't want to trouble you." Damn, Dean was a good actor. Pulling the trouble-you card that practically fooled anyone.

"No trouble at all. Besides, I know what it's like to lose someone you love so much," Sam frowned as his eyes lowered, sadness lacing with his tone. Shaking his head swiftly, Sam smiled, "I don't mind at all, Dean."

That was one thing he missed the most: Sam's smile.

This was a mistake and Dean knew it. His mind was telling him to leave and never return, but his heart was telling him to spend more time with Sam. Dean couldn't leave even if he wanted to. Not when he finally had an opportunity with Sam. He would be damned if he left now.

"Thanks." Dean smiled. How bad could it be?

* * *

For a weird reason Sam felt really comfortable being near Dean. He was stressed free, which was crazy because he usually wasn't like that. Sure, he found Dean attracted upon first look, but that didn't mean Sam was ready to ask him out. Only he really wanted to? Which was strange? Sam had seen good looking men and women whenever he went out, but he never asked them out- yet he just took one glimpse of Dean- And bam!

"You look like you're thinking way too hard?" Dean observed as he took a swing of his beer that Sam offered him a while ago.

Shrugging, Sam randomly said, "Life problems. So what do you do, Dean?" Sam had a right to know who Dean was, after all, he was going to stay with him for a few days. Why not get along as friends?

"I..." Dean pursed his lips in thought. "I travel and find work where I'm needed, here and there." It wasn't exactly a lie, but it was far from the truth. Dean shook his bottle and noticed that it was almost empty. "What about you? I mean judging by that briefcase on that table," he pointed out- "and all those files near your laptop-" he made a thumbs up gesture as he pointed behind without looking. "You're either a lawyer or a paralegal that works in a law firm."

Sam's eyes widened in shock, he commented, "Impressive and very good observation."

Dean smirked and drank the remaining alcohol in victory. "That's my job." It got quiet again; the only thing that could be heard was the fan from the ceiling in the living room.

"Any family?" Dean wondered, gripping the bottle tightly. He knew the answer but he wanted to make sure if Sam recalled anything from his previous life.

"No. Only child, parents died when I was young." Sam didn't know why he was telling Dean everything. It just felt right. "Can I ask you about yours?" He didn't want to make Dean uncomfortable by answering something that would hurt him. He just recently lost a brother after all.

"Sure. Mom died when I was four years old, the house caught on fire. My dad died a few years ago from a gunshot wound. All I had left was my little brother but he's gone too." Dean averted his eyes, he wouldn't allow himself to look at Sam as he spoke about _their_ parents. "It's probably for the best either way. I only made him suffer in the long run," Dean half-heartedly chuckled.

Sam frowned. It was as if Dean didn't care about it, the fact that he was all alone and self-loathing himself. "I'll tell you one thing though," Dean cleared his throat as he spoke, then he looked directly at Sam. "I fucking saved his life so many times. And if I could bring him back... I would sell my soul for him even if it means having him be miserable again. That's how selfish I am."

"That's deep. You were really close to him." Sam's heart oddly beat twice as fast.

"Yup. Raised him, taught him everything I know and protected him from _bad guys_." Sam was beginning to wonder if Dean's brother was a drug addict or drug dealer. Bad guys? Died young? He hoped Dean wasn't one.

Changing the subject, Sam asked, "Hungry? I'll make something," he offered. Dean shook his head before he broke into a smile. "How about we go out and eat? I'll pay, it's the least I can do since I'll be crashing here. There you can order your rabbit food." The last part accidentally slipped out.

Sam blinked. "Rabbit food?"

Dean mentally cursed. "You look like the type that eats salads and all that healthy shit. No junk food and no sweets." He shrugged as he stood up, "So what do you say?"

Blinking once again, Sam agreed, "Yeah. I know a place that makes good burgers." Awkwardly standing up Sam reached for his wallet, only to be stopped by Dean.

"Don't! It's on me." Sam nodded, still unsure if he should leave his wallet behind. What if Dean ditches him? Then again, he would be staying with Sam for a few days.

"Alright. But we're going on my vehicle." Dean rolled his eyes, getting the joke and mumbled the word "bitch" under his breath. Sam secretly smiled as he opened the door, watching Dean go out first.

This was going to be fun.

* * *

Sitting down in the middle of the restaurant, Sam finally registered that the whole situation was embarrassing. He was having lunch with a handsome man, who was probably out of Sam's league and most likely straight. Another thing about this was that for some reason the scene was distinctly familiar.

Sam felt his head throbbing with pain by the sudden thought. He had done something like this before. Sam's vision started to get blurry as his head increased in pain. Why was this so familiar?

"You okay, Sam?" Dean asked, his eyes full with concern.

"I'm fine. Just hungry," Sam lied as he formed a small smile. Disregarding the headache as a mere hungry sign, since all he had for breakfast was coffee, so it only made sense that Sam was starving.

A young, blonde waitress gave them menus, and asked, "What can I get you two lovely gentlemen?" She gave a perky smile as she took out her notepad and pencil.

Dean smirked, "Well, I would have a bacon burger with extra onions, sweetheart," he winked. "Then, Sammy over here will have a chicken salad with extra dressing."

Sam parted his mouth, wanting to protest, yet he didn't. Dean just ordered his meal, his favorite meal. How would he know that? And why did Sam get the feeling like he was on a date?

The waitress blushed, "My, aren't you charming?" she giggled, writing their meals down. "Would you like dessert as well?" The perky smile turned into a seductive grin, leaning way closer near Dean's personal space.

Sam cleared his throat, turning his gaze elsewhere. Dean got the hint. "No thanks. Maybe another time. I'm here for a few days anyway." The waitress's eyes flickered with excitement before she left them alone.

"I can go if you want," Sam suggested, "She seems to really be into you. I'll just-"

"Nonsense. I came to eat with you and nothing is going to ruin that," Dean said it so carelessly with a smile. Sam couldn't help but blush, why was he getting so shy? Dean was making him feel like the most important person on earth. It could be because he was being polite, but to Sam it was enough.

He mindlessly nodded; it was quiet for a few seconds until the waitress came back with their meals. This time Dean didn't pay attention to her, which made Sam sigh in relief. All of Dean's attention was on his burger, much to the girl's dismay.

Sam called that a victory.

* * *

They drove back to Sam's house. "That was fun," Sam said, "I didn't expect you to be such a ladies' man." On their way across the car, a lot of women were practically throwing themselves in front of Dean. Sam even knew some of them, who had the nerve to greet him. It was stupid since they had always ignored Sam's existence before. All they wanted was to meet and get to know Dean. Jerks.

"You'd be surprised," Dean chuckled, making Sam feel warm and fuzzy in the inside. God, he was getting so attached to Dean. Was Sam really that lonely? No. It had to mean something.

"So, never been married?" Damn Sam's curiosity.

Dean grimaced at the memory. "Married? No. But I did try to settle down once with someone I fell in love with. Didn't work out too well. Besides, my job doesn't really make it easy for me." Sam shook his head in acknowledge. "How about you?"

Pursing his lips, Sam answered, "Haven't really found anyone that brings my attention? I tried dating but it didn't work out for me, so I've been on my own." He did find someone that brought his attention, and he was sitting right across Sam. Too bad he couldn't say it. "I don't think I'm meant to be in a relationship. Everyone I love... either dies or just leaves me."

"Boy, don't I know that feeling." Dean scratched his neck, trying to come up with another conversation that didn't sound like he was prying. "Has anything strange ever happened to you?"

"Strange? Like what?"

"Uh... Nightmares? Weird noises? Flickering lights?" Dean tapped his fingers on his knees, holding his voice steady. "Just a random question I like to ask every now and then."

Sam furrowed his eyebrows in thought. Anything strange? "No. Just weird dreams..." No point in lying because they had been honest with each other so far. He continued when Dean was waiting for the rest of his answer, "I mean, obviously they're just dreams, but sometimes it feels vivid- like I've experienced it before." Sam sighed as he tried to explain better, "It's all like a blur. I remember my childhood and have so many memories as I grew up, but something feels off. Sorry, I know I'm not making any sense."

Dean frowned. "Can't pick dreams, am I right?" he swiftly wriggled his eyebrow as he smirked. "I remember a mind blowing dream where I never wanted to wake up." Then Dean laughed, "But life's a bitch." He was happy to hear that no supernatural went after his brother, but was a little worried that Sam was getting- supposed- memories of his past life. Maybe, they were not suppressed hard enough as he thought.

Sam snickered, "Agree." Looking at his wall clock, Sam couldn't believe that it was already near five. Spending time with Dean was exciting and something different. _Don't get attached to him,_ Sam, he told himself.

"What's next on the fun list?" Dean followed Sam's gaze towards the clock, who was also surprised that the day went by so quickly. "Or, do you have somewhere to be?"

"No, today is my day off. I actually don't do much around the house but watch television or work on my case files." What else could Sam do? He didn't really go out. He had no friends. Although, even if he did have plans, Sam would have automatically canceled them to hang out with Dean instead. "What do you want to do?"

"How about we go to a bar later? I saw one not too far from here as we left."

Hesitating, Sam bit his lips. Not liking the thought of Dean flirting with young waitresses, or other women walking up to him. "I-I don't know. That's not really my thing." Sam politely, well, tried to decline. "How about a movie?" Yes, a movie sounds perfect. Just him and Dean alone in the dark- _Just them_ \- _Alone_. Sam liked that idea.

"Aww, c'mon Sam! It would be fun." Dean wasn't going to drop it. Great. "Having a couple of beers, throwing some darts, playing pool, and flirting with chicks." Okay, now Sam wasn't going after he heard that.

"Bars are loud and full of drunk people, Dean. They would probably pick a fight with me due to my height." Excuses were the only way out and hoped that Dean would reconsider. "Let's just do something fun here. I have a couple of-"

"Nope. We're going to the bar. I can go on my own but since you have the only working car. I can't, unless you want me to walk all the way there-" This son of a bitch was guilting Sam. Oh, he was good. Dean knew how to trick Sam. "by myself," he finished with a sad smile. Bastard!

Sighing in defeat, Sam agreed. "You win. We'll go later," he slightly pouted. Not liking the idea of Dean going alone in a bar, at least with Sam there he could watch him. Even if it was going to hurt seeing Dean with other people. It was going to be a long night.

Dean clapped his hands with an arrogant smile. Sam huffed, but quickly faded when the curve of his mouth betrayed him into a smile.

* * *

Sam was right. The bar was loud and full of drunk people. It fucking pissed him off that some assholes bumped against his shoulder- purposely- as he made his way across the crowd. Dean, on the other hand, was having a blast, he went ahead and ordered a couple of beers for themselves.

Taking a seat at the edge of the bar, Sam glanced around. How long had it been since he was at a bar? Smiling fondly, an abrupt pain pulsed through his head. Shutting his eyes as his eyebrows furrowed tightly. Fuck! It hurt- Random images were forming in his mind. _Two young kids were watching cartoons together; the older boy poked the small boy, who giggled as he tried to get away. Both started to tickle each other, the youngest begged the oldest to stop, saying 'I give up!' As they broke apart, the small boy said, "You're the best older brother, De!"_

"Sam? Hey, you okay?" Sam snapped back to reality when a callus hand rested on his shoulder, gripping it hard enough to feel the warmth. He stared upwards in confusion, realizing that Dean had a concern expression.

"Fine," he lied, "Just... a little on the edge. It has been a while since I've been to one of these places." Sam didn't want to bother Dean with his troubles. Also because he, himself, didn't know what was happening? Why was he seeing two kids? Sam didn't know who they were.

Dean didn't look convinced but he didn't press on. "Here," Dean passed him a beer, after the bartender placed it next to him. "So? See anyone that brings your attention?"

Rolling his eyes, Sam took a glimpse around the room anyway. He wanted to play along with Dean so he wouldn't ruin the mood. All he saw was nothing but older women and old geezers. A few college students were present, but didn't want to go anywhere near them.

"Not really. My only attention is the beer," Sam made a dorky smile as he picked up his beer. His mind was still thinking about the weird vision he just experienced. The small boy looked almost like Sam when he was young: shaggy brown hair, slightly chubby, and the same smile. But it couldn't be impossible. Sam had no siblings. _'You're the best older brother, De'_ , kept echoing through his mind. De? Who was he? He had short, blond hair that was up like spikes and a toothy grin.

Now that Sam thought about it... it was almost similar to Dean's hair style.

Humming, Dean took a swing of his beer. "Well, someone brought my attention," he said as he turned around, winking at a young brunette. "I'll be right back." Sam opened his mouth, ready to protest, but it was too late as he lost Dean through the crowd.

This was what Sam was afraid of.

Gulping down his beer, Sam scowled. He shouldn't have come here. At the corner of his eyes he could see Dean flirting nonstop, his stomach formed knots and he could feel himself getting nauseated at the sight. Sam shouldn't care, Dean could do whatever he wanted.

So, why did it hurt so badly?

Five minutes passed, Sam waited and waited for Dean to return. Another ten minutes passed, yet Dean was still at the same spot. This time he had the girl's tongue in his throat. Snarling, Sam gripped the bottle harshly and finished it in one swing. Getting up, he paid the bartender; this time Sam brought his wallet. Which was a plus, maybe he was prepared for this.

He should just wait in the car. As he went outside Sam halted as he saw a familiar store that he deeply enjoyed: a book store. Smiling, Sam walked into the store. Finally! Something he liked doing, Dean wouldn't mind if he looked around. _After all, he is busy making out_ , Sam thought bitterly.

Sam skimmed around the book shelves, his fingers touching the books' spine as he read each title. He passed by a few different genres: romance, drama, historical, science fiction. Sam paused on the supernatural section, for some reason it called out to him. He never bought these types of books before. It was about time he made a collection of something new.

Digging his fingers to pull out a thick book that caught his eye, Sam blew the dust that was sprawled all over the cover. "The Tells of Mythology: Monsters." It certainly sounded interesting. Gazing at the cover picture closely, Sam saw that it was: a bright full moon in the center of the top and a creepy forest with glowing eyes in the shadows of the trees; giving it a supernatural spook. The letters of the title were dark silver, giving it a perfect effect.

"I'm going to buy this," Sam declared. He tilted his head upwards as he saw a glimpse of Dean outside the window. Dean was turning his head back and forth in the street, obviously looking for Sam. When Dean looked at his direction, Sam waved to catch his attention. Crap. Dean looked pissed.

Dean paced inside the store as he fumed, "Thanks for ditching me, asshole!" His tone coursed with annoyance and anger. Something was telling Sam that Dean was angry about something else.

Sam scoffed, "Me? You're the one that went to find a hook up. So, sorry that I got bored of being all alone in there. I- I didn't want to bother you so I came here instead." Sam raised his hand as he showed Dean the store. "I was going to buy this book, look!" he excitedly showed the book to Dean.

Grabbing the book, Dean's mouth parted before he shook his head and shoved it back a little hard to Sam. "Why do you want to read all this weird shit? It's not true. Just made up stories." Which was bullshit. Half the information was accurate, but Dean didn't want Sam to know anything about the supernatural world.

Hurt by the sudden cold attitude, Sam stammered, "Oh, I- I just found it interesting. This stuff seems kind of familiar to me. I just wanted to- Never mine... You're right. I should probably put it back." Sam didn't understand why Dean was mad? Did he do something wrong? Maybe it was a bit ridiculous to buy a book that was not true.

Dean grasped his elbow to prevent Sam from putting back the book where it belonged. "Wait- Sorry. I'm being an asshole." Shakily sighing, Dean uttered out, "My brother was into all this shit, and it hurts to see you believing in all this because he would do the same. Go buy it, Sam. It looks like a cool book to read. So after you're done with it, let me read it too."

Sam relaxed, knowing that he didn't pissed off Dean. This stuff was just a soft spot for him because it reminded Dean of his late brother. Nodding, Sam shyly smiled and went to purchase the book. The night went by fast so they decided to call it a night.

* * *

The following morning, Sam woke up to the smell of pancakes and bacon lingering across his room. It smelled delicious, his mouth got watery with just imagining the taste. Who was cooking in the kitchen? No one had ever cooked anything for Sam.

Swinging his legs on the edge of the bed, Sam winced at the sudden impact that inflicted in his head. He was having another vision as he saw images playing like a camcorder. Shutting his eyes, Sam sweated as he tried to focus on his vision and- at the same time- calm himself. Sam saw the two same kids that he saw from last time he was having _this_ _episode_.

_The younger boy frowned as the older boy served him spaghettios. "I don't want this, De," the young boy complained, causing the older one, De, to sigh in frustration._

_"There's nothing else, Sammy. Just eat this."_

Sam groaned, placing his hand on his forehead as he slightly squeezed it. Focusing on the images was way harder than he thought, Sam hoped he wouldn't pop a vein.

_"You're lying. I saw a box of lucky charms," the small boy- now knowing his name- Sammy stated. "I want that."_

_De mentally twitched, he grunted, "No. That's mine. There's only room for one bowl and I haven't even gotten any." Sammy didn't argue or even try to pick a fight, he just slouched his shoulders in defeat. Saddened that he didn't get any cereals._

_De gritted his teeth, but then closed his eyes and turned around. Throwing Sammy's spaghettios in the trash, instead he took out the lucky charms and served him. "Here." His tone hinted irritation and bitterness. De was upset that Sammy was going to eat his favorite and only last supply of food. Yet, he wasn't going to yell at Sammy._

_He watched Sammy looking inside the box and reached his hand in there. De snarled, probably looking for the prize that should have been his. But what Sammy did next surprised him? Sammy gave De the prize as he held it on his palm, and said, "You have it."_

_Dumbfounded and touched, De picked it up and stared at Sammy in awe. Sammy gave a soft smile and started to eat his cereals. De smiled at his little brother as he clutched the prize. "Thanks, Sammy."_

Sam panted as the vision finished, he wasn't even aware that he fell on his knees. When did he drop to the floor? And why was he having these visions? It didn't make any sense, and Sam didn't have anyone to talk about this with. No family to confirm if he had any brothers? Or, if that _little boy_ was even him; his name was _Sammy_ ; sure, it was similar to the name 'Sam' except for the two extra letters that weren't at the end. But no one had ever called him 'Sammy' before.

He shivered at the nickname. Nope, it was too childish for Sam.

Rubbing his eyes, Sam desperately shook the thoughts away. He didn't want to think about it, not when there was a wonderful aroma outside his room. Getting up, he let himself take a deep breath- hopelessly- trying to relax his raging heart that kept bouncing around his rib cage. It was as if he was having a panic attack, and maybe he was, but that wouldn't stop Sam from trying.

Once his nerves were serene, Sam hurried out of his room and into to the kitchen. To his delight he saw Dean, who was happily cooking with a grin. Strange? Whenever Sam was near Dean all his anxiety would just melt away, instead he would experience warmth and a relaxing sensation. For once, his place felt like an _actual home_.

"Morning, Sam," Dean grinned as he flipped a pancake. "Hope you don't mind me borrowing the kitchen. I wanted to whip us up some tasty breakfast."

Standing there quite foolishly, Sam vehemently nodded. "Sure. Whatever you need." The sight of Dean cooking in pajamas was a little adorable. "How was the couch?" he asked casually, yet he deeply wanted to know if Dean slept well.

Sam begged him to stay in his guestroom, but Dean stubbornly decided that he preferred to sleep on the couch. Not that it was horrible. Sam did have the most comfortable furniture he could buy, although there was a softer, warm bed in his guestroom that Dean could have used instead.

"Believe it or not, I had the best sleep on that couch than I've ever had in a long time." Sam stared at him in disbelief so Dean continued, "I have always slept in motels with shitty mattresses that were either: broken, filthy, or infested. Your couch hit home-run, man."

"If you say so." He sat down near the counter as he grabbed a plate of pancakes and bacon. "This smells amazing." Wow. Dean could cook.

"Do you work today?" Dean asked.

"I actually called work yesterday and asked if I can get a few days off. Got them." Sam had never done that before since he preferred to focus on his work. Heck, even his bosses were surprised by the sudden request. Nevertheless, they granted his request; Sam was a hard worker after all.

Dean mentally smiled, feeling the familiar closeness he had in the past. Sam would always be there for Dean so he was extremely happy that memory-erased Sam would do the same.

"So any plans for today?" Sam wondered.

Smirking, Dean opened his mouth, but halted when the doorbell rang. Sam's head turned as he stared at the door. "Is that your friend? He's early," he tried to hide his disappointment at the thought of Dean leaving so soon. He was enjoying his time with Dean, even close to asking him out on a date.

Beside Sam, Dean was scowling at the abrupt intrusion. "No. Can't be. Bobby would've called since he doesn't know where you live." Bobby didn't even know where he was because he wasn't coming. Dean lied both to Sam and Bobby in order to stay a little longer.

Shit! _Is it a demon?_ Dean thought, reaching for his hidden knife from his pocket. Whatever was out there, Dean had to protect Sam.

Just as Sam was about to get up and check who it was, Dean stopped him. "I'll get it, Sam. Stay here." He paced across the door as he took out his blade, hiding it away from Sam's sight, then Dean swung the door open. Ready to kill whatever was behind the door-

 _You have to be kidding me!_ Dean barked in his mind.

"What the fuck?" Dean automatically shut the door at the person in front of him.

Why was Crowley here? Of all people and demons it had to be fucking Crowley! The action caused Crowley to put a foot in between the door. "Hello, Dean?" the smirk made Dean want to punch him.

Sam tilted back from his chair as he tried to see who was at the door, but Dean blocked his view. All Sam could guess was that Dean knew the person behind door.

"What are you doing here? Get out!" Dean harshly whispered, still trying to slam the door on Crowley's face, but was failing. "Move your foot out of the way!"

Crowley ignored the last remark, instead he inquired, "I should be asking you the same thing, Dean. What's the point of erasing Sam's memories if you're here with him? You need to know what the hell you are doing."

Dean growled, "You son of a-"

"Dean? Who's at the door?" Sam questioned from the kitchen, ready to stand up until Dean stopped him again by saying, "It's okay!"

"Shit!" Turning around, Dean nervously lifted the corner of his mouth and stared at Sam. "Just someone who wants to see my vehicle. I'll be right back!" Dean swiftly slipped out the door, as he closed it he was standing face to face with Crowley.

"Do you just show up to torment people?" Dean barked as he began to walk away from the porch. He didn't want Sam to hear their conversation.

"Does the King of Hell not ring a bell?" Crowley countered as he rolled his eyes, nevertheless he followed Dean. "Now, what in the bloody hell are you doing here?" his playful voice was briskly replaced by annoyance. "The point of erasing Moose's memories was so he doesn't remember you!"

Dean stood there frozen for a second, understanding what Crowley meant. "You mean... He has a chance of remembering?" _Me_ , Dean wanted to add, his tone filled with hope. "I thought it wasn't possible."

Crowley huffed. "Just because I erased his memories doesn't mean he can't get it back! The more you're with Sam the more he'll remember you and his past life." Then Crowley smirked and stated further, "But that's what you want, right? Sam to remember everything-"

"No!" Dean balled his hands into fists. That wasn't why he was here... At least that was what Dean kept telling himself.

Sam could hear a faint shout coming from the outside. Curiosity was getting the best out of him, Sam walked towards the window. _There's no harm in looking,_ Sam mused. Secretly wondering who Dean was talking to? Pushing the curtains to the side, he saw a strange man in a fancy suit, standing in front of Dean, who looked pissed.

In fact, Dean looked ready to brawl with the way he stood.

Dean started to shout again, barely audible for Sam to hear but he focused on his voice. Sam shouldn't be nosey, after all, Dean was still someone he didn't know. Yet, Sam couldn't help himself.

"I don't want him to go through all that shit. He's happy here..." Dean's head lolled down in defeat, "I just miss him. What the fuck is wrong with me visiting him? I'll be gone in a few days anyway."

"Oh, Dean. Just by your very presence is causing him confusion," Crowley said flatly as he made his way near the Impala.

Dean blinked. "What do you mean? Did he remember something? Wait- How the hell do you know all this?"

"Because I've sent demons to watch him-" Crowley didn't have a chance to finish as Dean pushed him onto the car's hood, with his blade high in the air, ready to stab something, well, someone at this point.

Sam's eyes widened at the scene. Dean was holding this man with a knife, pointing it directly near his heart- Was Dean a killer? Sam should call the cops or something, but he just froze in fear. He wasn't supposed to be seeing this. Finally growing the courage Sam decided to do something.

"You son of a bitch! Were you going to hurt him? Is that it? You messed with the wrong brother-" Suddenly Crowley laughed, evilly, his eyes flashed dark red in an instant. But Dean didn't budge or show fear as he kept the demon blade close to his heart. "What's so damn funny?"

"Ironic. Both of you are similar. Watching memory-erased Sam live a ' _sad, pathetic life'_ , as he quoted. Then when you came back everything changed for him." Dean didn't understand what this conversation had to do with anything. Sadly, it hurt Dean to hear that Sam thought his apple pie life was pathetic. He assumed that it would be the opposite.

"What are you talking about?"

More laughter was heard as Crowley maliciously grinned at him. "Your brother is in _love_ with you." Dean automatically stepped back at the sudden confession. His hands were shaking, Dean was processing everything he just heard. The weapon fell from his grip and it collided on the smooth pavement.

"W-What? You bastard! That can't be true- Can't!" Everything was spinning for Dean and he suddenly felt sick and nauseated. He knew Crowley wouldn't lie to him under any circumstances. Demons would bluntly say the truth, even if it means causing pain, which they enjoy doing.

"A little birdie told me otherwise. You were near Sam, and yet you didn't notice it yourself. Yesterday he was beyond happy, after I erased his memories he hasn't had an exciting life until he met you. Think about it, Dean? Wasn't he just so happy to be with you? He fell in love with you, you bloody imbecile!" Crowley spat the words out as he got closer to Dean.

Dean's whole body wouldn't stop trembling and he could feel a lump in his throat that was preventing him from talking. Sam fell in love with him. How was Dean supposed to deal with that? How the fuck was Dean supposed to protect Sam from _that_?

"Dean?" Sam's voice brought his attention. Dean slowly turned his head towards Sam, feeling a mixture between sorrow and confusion as he spotted his brother.

"What are you doing? I heard shouting and then you pulled out a k-knife," Sam stuttered as he gazed at the fallen weapon beside Dean.

Dean briefly glanced at his side and saw that Crowley already disappeared. "Bastard," he muttered as he glared where Crowley had stood. Dean shook his head and let out a sigh. How was he going to explain this to Sam?

"Where did the other guy go?" Sam could have sworn that he was standing near Dean a few seconds ago- then poof- he was gone. "...He was just here?" He eyed the road back and forth, only to see that no one was around. It was as if the stranger vanished. This whole thing was getting weirder and weirder. Who was that man?

Suddenly a new wave of pain coursed through his head. _No not now_ , Sam thought, slowly staggering down.

Snatching his blade, Dean turned around as he said, "Don't worry about it. Let's just go back inside- SAM!" Dean shouted as he saw Sam crouching in pain. He sprinted to Sam. Dean grabbed a hold on him, he firmly held Sam.

Dean had seen this before; the way Sam was in agony as he closed his eyes. Sam was having a vision. _No._ Sam was having _flashbacks_.

Sam grimaced. The throbbing in his head got stronger as another vision, no- flashback- came into view.

_De, who looked a lot older than the last time, was holding a weapon as he showed it to Sammy. "Look, Sammy. Dad gave it to me, for doing a good job on my first hunt."_

_Sammy gasped, smiling in excitement. "That's so cool! You're already old enough to join him. I wish I can go with you guys, Dean."_

Hearing the name 'Dean' snapped Sam back to reality; not caring that he had a major headache. Why did Sammy say Dean- No way... Everything clicked for Sam, like a missing puzzle piece. De was in fact Dean, and that meant that Sam was indeed... Sammy.

Breathing in and out, Sam pushed Dean away as he crawled back. "Who are you? Why am I having visions of you- or us? What's going on!" Sam exclaimed, glaring at his supposed- Fuck. Who was Dean to him?

Dean frowned, "It's okay, Sammy. I'm not going to hurt you." The nickname was finally said- everything connected. Sam stood still when so many memories flowed across his mind. Everything that happened in his past- his real past. From childhood to teenage years to college years, and finally, to hunting with Dean. _His brother_.

 _No!... This can't be happening_! Sam screamed in his mind. Sam, this time, threw up as he turned to his side.

 _He died_. He recalled that. Dean brought him back and gave him false memories to live a normal life. Sam should be furious, but at the moment he was disgusted with himself. He had vile thoughts of Dean since he first arrived in front of his house.

He fell in love with Dean. Now wasn't that screwed up?

Dean patted his back smoothly. Sam didn't even notice he was crying. "Dean? I remember," Sam hiccupped, then took a shaky breath as he shifted to glare at Dean. "Why? Why did you do it?" he spat as he coughed.

Sighing, he sadly replied, "Because I didn't want to lose you. I wanted to bring you back and give you the apple pie life you always wanted." Dean knew what Sam was referring to when he asked. He would tell Sam later that he didn't sell his sold, but not right now. Dean needed to calm Sammy.

Choking back a sob, Sam shook his head. "Dean... Yesterday- I- I'm sorry. You're going to hate me." God, he couldn't tell Dean the truth. But in Sam's defense he didn't know Dean in the beginning. Although, something nagged him in the back of his mind...

Shushing him, Dean placed his hand on Sam's nape in a comforting way. Knowing what Sam meant... but wouldn't say it. "It's fine. We'll work it out like we always do. I could never hate you." As much as it shocked Dean at knowing that Sam fell in love with him yesterday.

Dean couldn't help but feel that this was all his fault. Why did Crowley have to tell him?

Nodding. Sam leaned into Dean's touch. Deep down he didn't know how they were going to be able to fix this. Sam would rather keep it to himself than tell Dean his disgusting secret. He wanted to ask so many questions: Who did you sell your soul to? Why didn't you make me remember sooner? Why did you leave me alone for a whole year? How have you been on your own?

But he didn't ask, instead he put his shoulder beside Dean's, and slowly exhaled.

They would find a way to go back to how everything was. They would fix everything together like they always do. Be real brothers again and be by each other's side. A twisted knot formed in Sam's stomach at the thought... Sam didn't want to go back to how everything was. Now he wanted something completely different.

_He wanted Dean._


End file.
